


All's Fair in Love and Road Trips

by Hokuto



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bad Flirting, F/M, Memory Loss, Web Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-18 19:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20644790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hokuto/pseuds/Hokuto
Summary: Stan and Darlene meet again after Weirdmageddon.





	All's Fair in Love and Road Trips

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertScribe/gifts).

> I hope you enjoy this!

The blonde swaggered into the Shack like she'd just signed the deed to it with a diamond-tipped gold pen and said, "Well, if it isn't Stan Pines - big as life and twice as thick!"

Stan dropped the cane he'd been trying to teach Soos to do tricks with for three straight hours, then recovered. "Lady, do I know you?" Sure, he'd forgotten a lot of bullwink- bullshit that hadn't all come back to him yet, but a bombshell like the blonde, with her hips and that pile of teased hair and those fake tan lines? Forgetting someone like her was just unfair.

She stopped mid-sway, lowering her cute sunglasses to stare at him and blink long, artificial lashes. "You mean, you don't -"

"Trust me, toots. A face like yours? I wouldn't forget it in a million years. Even with this case of total amnesia I just had!"

"Uh-huh." She blinked at him again, and then her luscious lips started to wobble. "Oh, _Stanny_! I can't believe you could forget your Darlene already! And after that beautiful moment we shared - promising me you'd wait until tourist season was over so I could come see you..." A couple of tears leaked from her eyes, taking a heavy black streak of mascara with them.

Oh, crap. "Hey, hey, don't cry - Soos, get out of here! Go check on the goat or something." Soos shuffled off outside, and Stan patted, uh, Darlene's shoulder. "No, really. Don't cry, I lost all my handkerchiefs in the Weirdmageddon. I'm sure it'll come back to me!"

Darlene grabbed his arm and snuggled against his side, which was definitely ringing a bell or two in Stan's mind. Although he didn't know why one of those bells was a giant boot. "It's just so _sad_," she sniffled. "I came aaaaalllllllll this way just to seeeeeeeeee you, but you don't remember me at aaaaallllllll!"

"Uh, there, there?" What was he supposed to say to her? Definitely nothing about boots! Why did he keep thinking about boots? "You seem like a great lady, and maybe if we spend a little time together, go for a walk or something - you like walking? I know this trail, guaranteed no sinkholes or your money back."

She laughed a thrillingly staccato laugh and hugged his arm tighter. "You're always so funny, Stan. But we don't have to go for a walk. I'm happy staying right here with you..." Her voice was getting deeper, resonating in his chest in a way that fired up his blood and also kind of made him want to run for the door. And then she batted her lashes at him, and her eyes were suddenly black as oil. "Getting to know each other all over again!"

The memories slammed back into place like a row of symbols in a slot machine spelling out _DANGER! GIANT SPIDER WOMAN!_ too late. He tried to break out of her grip, but she spat webbing in his face and shoved him to the floor. "I've been waiting for this for so _long_," she growled, rolling him over; more sticky threads wrapped around him, and he struggled against them. "Ever since some tourist even dumber than you got that boot off me, I've just been planning and plotting about how I was going to get back at you..."

Yeesh, and he'd thought he could hold a grudge. Okay, he could, but that really wasn't the important thing compared to his imminent death by spider woman. He wriggled some more, but the webbing encasing him just stretched without tearing and snapped back as tight as before. "All right, you got me," he said, figuring he might as well go with style. "Just make it quick and let my mummy keep the eyepatch. Tell people I'm a pirate."

"Oh, Stan, Stan, Stan. You really do make me laugh! I was planning on draining you at first, sure..." He felt weird hairy spider claws on his nose, and then the webbing peeled away from his face so he could look up into Darlene's. She was still wearing the human face on the outside, but the body crouching over him was all spider. "Then I thought - wouldn't it be more interesting if I _didn't_? There's so much fun we can have together. Imagine if we pooled our skills! All the gullible idiots we can sucker in! You lay out your cheesy one-liners, I giggle and laugh -" She twirled some of her hair around one of her smaller spider legs. "- and we both make a _killing_."

"Nice try, but I'm retiring."

Another low, staccato chuckle. "You so sure about that, honey? Because I think I can change your mind..." She stroked one raspy leg down his cheek, then tweaked the threads, and his whole trapped body thrummed. Including part of him that really shouldn't be rising to the occasion, but there it was.

Well. Maybe he could put off retiring for a month or two.


End file.
